Irony sucks.
Everything related to that hell is removed. I threw it out. Anything that could remind me of who and how I had been. The changes took a long time because I wanted to ensure that the changes were for real.Not pretentious or phoney but from the heart, genuine and real. To have that level of quality,I knew it would be alot of work and would take a long time. It would be worth it,I told myself because if I didn't rush and grab onto just any ol' poser life.It would be capable of withstanding whatever storm came my way in the future. If I built it solid and without compromise;( my life,that is and my self),when the devil tried to kick me in the teeth again and again and again,I'd be able to withstand it. Should have been able to,in theory.
All that was like a thousand years ago.
Another lifetime. A differant me.
Since then, alot of storms ( and fair weather too) have come and gone and somehow I came through 'still standing'...whatever that means.LOL
And now this.
Who would ever have thought my kid would turn into me. Not the renewed me but that old,old me. The 'me' that my kid never met, never heard (much) about; there's no way my kid could be role modelling that part of my history. And as for the crippling theory that addictions can be inherited...I adopted my kid,so that's out too. So, if it isn't learned by role modelling and it isn't 'in the blood',and if it isn't from the lifestyle I raised my child in,then how and why is my kid turning out just like the old me?